If you’ve never hired or worked with anyone in a creative role, there are a few things you should know. We’ve compiled a list of the top 7 things you should definitely do if you want to maximize the impact of your creative hire.

Forget expertise and experience

Overlook years of craft development. Micromanage any agency or creative to death by telling them exactly what to do; second-guess their every move if you can. Who needs creative magic when you can have control?

Ignore the creative process

‍Designers and strategists (and most other creatives) have a process that is definitely worth ignoring and essentially a waste of time. Insist that they jump ahead and skip integral parts so you can get done faster.

Provide a vague scope of work

Give your creative hires a minimal idea of what you want and let them fill in the blanks. Trust me, the more confused they are, the more creative they'll become.

Cryptic communication is best

Be the ultimate enigma and provide feedback that gives absolutely no direction. Using vague phrases like "I'll know it when I see it" or “Make it pop" will really get the creative juices flowing.

Keep the budget a secret and offer exposure

Let your creative come up with something amazing and then tell them it's too expensive. It's a great way to keep them on their toes. Better yet, offer to pay them less in exchange for exposure. They love that.

Reject new ideas

‍Kick fresh perspectives and innovative approaches to the curb; just stick to the same old boring ideas. Reject any new ideas that are brought to the table and insist on doing things the way they've always been done.

Don’t tell anyone about them

The creative space isn’t even close to saturated so make sure you never tell anyone who you worked with. Leave it to your creative to find other work on their own. After all, you don’t want anyone else to have what you have; you might end up looking too similar.

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If you didn’t catch that this is satire, I can’t help you.

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These are real things that real creatives come up against every day. They could be a designer, strategist, etc. in a corporate setting, a freelancer or even a hired agency. These people should be among your most valued assets. They create the outward face of your brand; they bring you your leads; they help you connect with your audience.

In short, do the opposite of everything listed. You’ll become the joy (and relief) of any creative who gets the opportunity to work with you.

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But, on second thought, who needs professionalism and respect when you can have chaos and confusion?